Thursday, July 20, 2006

Fear of what lies within

For the last 2 weeks we've been workshopping our newest project based on FEAR. You may remember posts from back in March. We're creating this one from scratch instead of doing an adaptation and that's a whole new experience for us. Hence the secrecy!

We have to work on the piece but also discover how to work on the piece. That's been the most challenging thing. What is going to spark the idea, movement, story? Images? Dreams? Situations? We learned that we're far too consensus oriented and had to force ourselves to bite the bullet and go out on limbs. So it's exciting and new and frustrating and hard work.

In the end we found some inspiration in Anne Sexton:
Inside many of us
is a small old man
who wants to get out.
No bigger than a two-year-old
whom you'd call lamb chop
yet this one is old and malformed.
His head is okay
but the rest of him wasn't Sanforized.
He is a monster of despair.
He is all decay.
He speaks up as tiny as an earphone
with Truman's asexual voice:
I am your dwarf.
I am the enemy within.
I am the boss of your dreams.
No. I am not the law in your mind,
the grandfather of watchfulness.
I am the law of our members,
the kindred of blackness and impulse.
See. Your hand shakes.
It is not palsy or booze. I
t is your Doppelganger trying to get out.

So many of our fears are held within ourselves. Who knew they were bundled up in an ugly little old man with Truman's voice? I supposed we'd better watch out.

It's very exciting on many levels. Where we find ourselves not only in similar places in our lives, in which our fears that jumped at us all at once, we are also in a similar place with creating. There is no wrong - it's all a process and we just keep going.
I saw Kristine and Jyana's doppelgangers at Kinko's today. They were arguing with the woman behind the counter, and then Kristine's started eating paper while Jyana's was shooting staples at the copier. Can't wait to be on stage with them both. It was awesome.
Found fear in a bazar in Konya Turkey one beautiful summer day. Dropped into this strange world from a small town upbringing, I was unprepared for what to do when a crazed young man began chasing my roommate and I through the streets of the bazar screaming and spitting at us. We found no sympathy in the onlookers - mainly curiousity. We were overwhelmed and ran, weeping and trying to find our way out - going deeper into the maze. Finally strong arms pulled us into a shop and closed the door. A kind merchant save us - but once fear is found - it leaves a mark that doesn't go away.
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